I had these dreams while traveling around Africa and taking a bunch of doxycycline, a malaria vaccine that makes your dreams super vivid. They’re undoctored except for the parts where I replace people’s names with stupid internet usernames. Here is the original note I wrote prefacing them in my evernote notebook at the time:

The fact that these are so completely nonsensical dreams almost confirm my belief that dreams are meaningless. Some of these are x rated so hopefully no one picks up my evernote and starts reading through it.

I’ve run out of fucks to give since then so there they are:

  • Something about my dad finding me a bunch of boyfriends, and also there is poop everywhere.
  • I am being hunted by a police department for selling drugs and me and my mom are both working as informants on the case and trying to hide that I’m the one they’re looking for. During some training exercise mom gets really injured. We end up in my house and she obviously needs an ambulance so I call 911. 911 says they don’t have any ambulances available nearby and to call an uber instead. I call uber and they ask if I want some food delivered with my ambulance-uber. I say sure and order some salmon sashimi. The ambulance-uber comes and I get the salmon, come upstairs and realize that I forgot to put my mom in the uber and she is still dying. She is also very upset.
  • Arguing about what “Red October” is, while my boyfriend (a handsome but serious-looking tall brown guy) and his little brother (a cute guy around my age) and I discuss the best way to destroy the world environmentally — in this dream I’m on the supervillian side. After the argument I look it up on wikipedia which said it was something about the balance of the world and how humans started because the environment was doing well. I assumed it was something more violent or sinister. I still have no idea what “Red October” means, or even if it is a real thing. I remember walking down the street and looking at everyone who walked past me, at their innocent faces, wondering how each of them would die and how they would face death. I remember having the epiphany that everyone wants to believe they have a chance of living forever even if they don’t acknowledge it. But everyone will die. Even if society advances enough that we live a thousand years, after that we’ll still die and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. In response my boyfriend says something condescending. I believe it was “you can tell a lot about a person from statements like that” and then we continue arguing about the best way to kill everyone. He acts like I’m stupid and all my plans suck, but his little brother seems to like my plans and also keeps flirting with me. After a while I get annoyed and throw my glass of ice water at his face, but the water misses and he has no reaction whatsoever. He stares at me. I leave.
  • Dreamt that makeupgirl86 shows up at my house at 2am Sunday asking if I want to go to a strip club with her after trying to have sex with me using a strap on. I remember wanting to go but thinking the morning would be a school day so I secretly pack my school bag in the middle of the night so I can go directly to school after. My mom wakes up and asks wtf I’m doing. I say nothing nothing and finish packing my bag before slipping out. We arrive at the strip club and meet these guys that have some sort of notorious reputation. One of them gives me a look that somehow said “I’m going to go into this booth with my friend and you are going to follow us and we are all going to have sex” which really, really, appealed to me for some reason (or maybe it would normally too) so I follow him into the booth and uhhh… I remember this part graphically but I’ll fast forward. When I’m out makeupgirl86 (who is now bougieblonde28) says she is bored and would like to leave. While I was in the booth she was trying to make money selling water bottles around the club. I say “oh sorry we were just watching a show behind the booth” and she calls me out with “yeah right I could see the outlines behind the curtains” and I feel really really embarrassed. Then I finally realize it was actually peak hours at the club (Saturday night basically) and that I have no school tomorrow.
  • Dreamt that I went in for a massage without specifying who and massagetherapist1 is assigned to me. I’ve had her for the last few days and want to switch to massagetherapist2. For some reason this is an embarrassing ordeal. It does reflect real life feeling I have where I want to rotate between massagetherapist1 and massagetherapist2 so they don’t judge me for getting massages so often.
  • Dreamt my mom let me borrow her car to drive to work or school or whatever. I realized I couldn’t drive and hired a driver to drive me. We got into some sort of altercation and I told her to stop the car in a bad neighborhood. She got out first, then as soon as I got out someone stole the car. I remember thinking “oh shit mom is going to kill me” before calming down and thinking there will be a way to explain it. Then I wake up relieved that I didn’t get my mom’s mercedez stolen. Also it was gray instead of silver.
  • Dreamt I was in class, dumbwhiteguy tries to kiss me again, I reject him and then feel bad about it so I kiss him on the cheek, then he lifts me up like simba in lion king to show that we are still good friends and we stay like that without realizing how weird it looks in the middle of a classroom. Then all of sudden my mom and dad and a male version of my grandma (???) show up to give me my birthday present. Then everyone else’s parents show up. Obviously mine are the most attractive. There is more to the dream, but I cannot remember.
  • Dreamt that my mom was a super villain. Or maybe my dad was, and she was trying to stop him. Or maybe they were both super villains. Should’ve written this one down when I woke up.
  • Dreamt I missed my flight back to San Francisco about five times, and kept accidentally booking flights at the wrong time or in the wrong direction. Kept booking flights that were the wrong day, or the wrong month, any type of flight that wasn’t correct. Booked a flight and then realized San Diego was in a different time zone than San Francisco, and missed it. At some point I finally flew into San Francisco and flew back to San Diego, thinking I was taking the flight the opposite direction. Ended up indefinitely stuck in San Diego, where I had to stay at sweetaznzgirl’s house. Almost decided to stay in San Diego because I was somehow incapable of competently booking a flight home.sweetaznzgirl said I could stay there as long as I wanted but I kept packing and rushing to the airport, and coming back after missing my flight in an endless cycle.
  • I am hiding from a bunch of creeps with my mom but our security system is too complicated and we can’t lock the doors. Since we can’t log the doors the dog escapes multiple times but we keep getting her back and end up with multiple dogs. They are all very cute. burningmandude65 is also in the dream at some point performing at some event with the mission control guys. We say hi awkwardly and he likes that Asian girl who sings (I think her name was Mindy) so he asks her if she wants to dance. She does not seem interested. He tells me to come by later and watch the show he is performing in with startupguy32, and also the show involves lasers. I also have a brother and a sister who are worried about college admissions. My sister gets into her school of choice but my brother does not, or vice versa. This was very surprising. I think they are summer and morty. I ask animallover23 if she wants to watch a movie, or think about doing so but my aunt and grandma are at our house that night, oblivious to the dangerous events and wanting to play cards or mahjong. There is also some paired activity going on. I remember hiding in mom’s room trying to figure out how to lock the door. Our house is a trailer home. A guy drives by and tries to get in, then starts following us. We manage to lock two of the doors to the outside and get away with our dogs. Also at some point I am on the bus and lose my bag or dog on it and someone brings it back to me later in the dream. Order is bus then burningmandude65 then college then animallover23 then college admissions, I think. There was also some test about hive mind, with insects in groups of six, 3 female and 3 male. We were trying to get them to pass some test, but mine failed and killed each other instead. Then I woke up.

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